Got My Obama T-Shirt but Can't Wear It

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't have the courage of my convictions. Or worse, I don't know what my convictions really are. I know I'm not a freak of nature, there are people like me all over the place these days, I hear them talking on the TV and out on the street every day, very few people seem 100% sure! I mean, now that Bill Clinton has basically endorsed both Obama and McCain by singing their praises, who wouldn't feel schizo about the political options?

Anyway, my Obama T-shirt finally arrived and I was going to wear it out to the grocery store a little bit ago. But I just can't get out the door. Agorophobic tendencies aside, I think the shirt has something to do with it. Do I detect tinges of fear in myself, Obama's grandmother's kinds of fears - illogical and apparently forgivable- of allying myself with Farrakhan, Jeremiah Wright, the Black Panthers, the SDS, Hells Angels and who knows who else? I can't make a stand. I started to wonder if I'd be more comfortable in a McCain shirt so I checked out their site, just for fun. Suddenly I felt old. The whole McCain image is a little too old-blue-haired-lady, clean-cut, Perry Como, white-shoed, wannabe-golf-clubsy for me. Although lately he's thrown a little dab of Apocalypse Now into his ads, which I find oddly appealing. What's it all about, Alfie?

At the online McCain store, I liked a nautical lapel pin, which says nothing, and apparently just spells out McCain's name in flag code, good for someone like me who likes mystery and equivocation, but that pin is $200, and I don't want it that bad. Why doesn't Obama's store have that? What's a girl to do? To make matters worse I watched the video of Hillary Clinton talking about her ideas for universal health care at www.nytimes.com and thought she looked tired but sounded right.

I give up. I'm heading for the hills. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and my head down low. It's depressing. I feel like listening to Freddy Mercury's Bohemian Rhapsody, well the very last line anyway. Tomorrow's another day.

I'll wear it as a nightshirt. It goes halfway to my knees anyway.