Bat in the Bedroom! Terror and Helplessness

Hadn't slept well for a few nights. The window air conditioner was making funny hissing squeaking noises. The other night I woke, opened the door of my dark bedroom and stepped into the bright white tile bathroom, where the light is always on. As usual, I tried not to become too wide awake, keeping my eyes half-closed. Oh but I woke up alright, to a hellish racket above me. There was a very big black bat flopping around and trying to gain a foothold on the slippery shower curtain. At first glance, which lasted a millionth of a second, I saw a huge wingspan, and thought it was a big bird, (maybe a hawk!), but there was an eerie slippery rubbery seal-like floppiness to him, and I knew it was one of my worst fears come true.

Childhood stories coursed through my brain, of bats getting stuck in people's hair and biting people's heads in rabid frenzies. In utter terror I covered my head and reached down to grab the bathroom rug for a shield. I slouched back into the bedroom, where I sat in terror for hours. For awhile I had a stroke-level splitting headache. The bat incident started at 1:30 AM and I was alone in the house. I remembered most horribly that bats can slide through the tiniest spaces. I really worked myself into a panic. I stuffed shirts under the door and into the cracks. I read Three Cups of Tea. I survived til the morning.

In the morning, my sons-in-law offered to help, but there's not much you can do in the daytime to find a bat. I set up zones in the house by closing off doors. I knew the bat was in the front rooms. So I waited til dusk, turned on lights inside, lit incense,put a scarf on my head like a babushka, grabbed my granddaughter's little broom, sweeping end up in front of my face for protection, and sat on the front porch for an hour at dusk with the front door open. I wanted to see that thing leave the house with my own eyes! I was afraid my son-in-law, if he helped, would just say the bat was gone, like two years ago when he said the five foot snake in the downstairs bathroom (after some construction work) was gone, but I think he makes that stuff up sometimes. (I love him dearly but I never saw the snake with my own eyes, so I've always had a sliver of doubt.) Well, he loves these creatures and sets them free, hoping that they're not too scared. I on the other hand just want them GONE.

So low and behold, my son-in-law comes over at nightfall and goes upstairs with a towel and catches the bat, just like that! In about one minute. He brought him downstairs saying "I hope I didn't hurt him. Look how cute he is." And, as miracles will never cease, I found myself looking into this tiny little bat's frightened face, it's two upright little ears about half an inch apart, swaddled in a towel in my son-in-laws loving arms.

The thought that the bat was probably in the bedroom with me for a few nights, having squeezed through one of the many gaps around the old air conditioner, has set me into a state not easily remedied. Some people laugh this stuff off. I am scanning various body parts for evidence of bites. I am researching rabies. But I'm not getting too worked up. In fact I'm hoping the little guy is ok. And I'm singing that old Carly Simon song from the Caribbean, which my son reminded me of:

"I went down to the kitchen
feeling a little spaced
fixing myself a little snack
When a bat fly in me face.
Fly in me face.
Fly in me face.
Everybody get a little upset
when a bat fly in de face"